remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
True strength comes from lack of pants
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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