She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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