I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
