so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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