There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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