Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Randomize
