lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
