dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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