Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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