Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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