No awkward lesbian experiences without me
My brain says no but my pants say off.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
