If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
