Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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