real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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