You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
