in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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