if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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