So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
