thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Shitshow foam night was such a success
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
God I need to hump something, right now.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
