It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
