I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
