After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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