You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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