I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
