god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
