I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
