Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
