i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
