vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
