oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
