Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You are the jesus of drinking
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
