herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
