Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
