Your tits are I can't wait for
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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