Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
