It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
