what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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