id be glad to
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
