you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
