The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
