OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
