We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
