I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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