I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
