Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
