Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
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