So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Enjoy the penises
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
