my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
