So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
