I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
