Having a random hookup so left but love u
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
