dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
